🧵 personal diary thread, is it over?
Anonymous at Wed, 6 Mar 2024 23:23:31 UTC No. 16060528
>mfw born with high iq and a talent in math
but also
>exposed to porn from age 6 (consequently was the perverted kid)
>dad left when i was 8
>hate the system here in Germany (always made me hate learning because i would mean i agree with them)
>drug and alcohol history
>mom was in the mental asylum multiple times (i still don't think she is fully healthy, but her das is a millionaire so she has it easier)
>decided not to take chance to go to highly gifted kid private school when i was a kid because i feared the pressure and being watched all the time (went to private school before this and it was like north korea but for richer kids)
>went to state school by choice
>drug and alcohol history started
>probably autistic (diagnosed with ADHD at age 9 later they said it's probably something else)
>developed schizoprhenia or paranoid psychosis at age 18 or 19
>lost years of my life to mental illness
I am 24 year old and in the 4th semester of a computer science undergrade degree
Is it over?
Anonymous at Thu, 7 Mar 2024 00:00:39 UTC No. 16060574
>>16060528
great blog post but if you do cardio and weed then you will succeed. good luck
Anonymous at Thu, 7 Mar 2024 00:14:18 UTC No. 16060599
>>16060528
after you graduate you will succumb to severe alcohol abuse again to cope with being unable to get jobs within your field
feel free to prove me wrong though
Anonymous at Thu, 7 Mar 2024 00:22:33 UTC No. 16060609
>>16060528
heyyy, another 24 y/o schizoautist. Keep fighting the good fight brother. It's not over unless we let it be.
Anonymous at Thu, 7 Mar 2024 00:38:50 UTC No. 16060620
>>16060599
should i switch to math degree?
>>16060609
i just hope the schizoautism gives us the deciding edge one day (probably not)
Anonymous at Thu, 7 Mar 2024 00:46:08 UTC No. 16060629
>>16060528
Just go outside bro
Anonymous at Thu, 7 Mar 2024 00:51:32 UTC No. 16060636
>>16060620
I feel like it gives me *an* edge, but it also gives me a shit ton of baggage that makes it hard to use it, or even tell when and where I'm supposed to use it.
Currently I'm experimenting with the idea of more deliberate self-determination. It's something I've always unconsciously rejected as insanity; any desires felt like fantasy, any ambition felt like delusion. I kind of drifted through what felt like I was "supposed to do", which ended up being getting a CS degree and taking a job that the universe threw into my lap. I then lost the job because of a combination of mental health issues and, I'm realizing in retrospect, not giving caring about the stuff I was working on.
I still don't think I have a good grasp on letting myself want to take my life in a certain direction, so I don't have any real advice, but if you're thinking about switching majors for no other reason than job prospects it might be worth thinking about. If we do get the deciding edge, I imagine we want to be in situations where we're comfortable bringing our entire selves to the task at hand.
Anonymous at Thu, 7 Mar 2024 06:22:17 UTC No. 16060968
>>16060528
>Germany
Yes, it's over.
Anonymous at Thu, 7 Mar 2024 11:04:45 UTC No. 16061207
>>16060968
elaborate
Anonymous at Thu, 7 Mar 2024 23:48:28 UTC No. 16062043
test post
Anonymous at Thu, 7 Mar 2024 23:56:16 UTC No. 16062051
>>16060968
>describes himself as a weimar tier fatherless gay faggot porn addict
>german
Yeah checks out
Anonymous at Fri, 8 Mar 2024 17:42:38 UTC No. 16063159
>>16062043
good post
(thanks for the bump)
also shameless selfbump
Anonymous at Fri, 8 Mar 2024 17:49:35 UTC No. 16063168
>>16060528
>I am 24 year
>alcohol history
you haven't even started yet, mate. there's a whole world of pain in store for you, lad.