🧵 Math conferences

Anonymous at Mon, 22 Apr 2024 03:31:20 UTC No. 16139835

Have you been doing your networking? Share stories of your expenses-covered travels.

I have made it with a woman, sort of, again. Last night, I treated myself to full nude VIP. Cover was $35, and dances were $30 each. A bespectacled Latina named Jessica approached me and led me by the hand to the VIP area upstairs.

Afterwards, back at the motel, I told a guy at the desk, "Hey, uh, cousin. I was wrong about this town. That was awesome." With a big stupid grin, I showed him the VIP wristband and the defense lawyer contact wristband.

In the morning, I attended the last of the geometry talks and asked some of its most competent questions. I joked with several of the younger men mathematicians I had become familiar with: You may have noticed that I am bundled tightly in my Weizmann Institute jacket with the collar sealed around my neck, when yesterday I was complaining about being hot. When we are in less polite company, ask me why that is.

In the less formal company outside, I explained: It's because my shirt smells as if - as if, mind you - I visited one of those gentlemen's clubs. This is not as wholesome a town as the one where I attended the representation theory conference last weekend, and I would never do that in the latter, though you shouldn't take that to imply something. I'm also heating the volatile compounds so that I can release them in the car and savor them on the drive home.

I forgot to mention to them that I could have bought the perfume for myself at a Victoria's Secret. In fact, I think it actually is from there, a perfume with a pear fragrance I remember from years ago.

We of the conference said our goodbyes. As I pulled the car out of the campus roundabout, I noticed a residue on the front of my shorts that I'm fairly certain did not come from me. When I get home, I shall thoroughly sun dry it to purify the rear of any traces of stuff from other dudes without washing Jessica's souvenir from the front, and I shall not wear them anymore.