🧵 Untitled Thread
insomniac at Tue, 30 Jul 2024 21:10:32 UTC No. 16303706
I cant stop talking with myself
Like, there is endless monologe in my head that i cant control. Even while typing this i hear my inner monologe. Sometimes when there is no one around me and i watch or think something i can start talking like i would be in some dibate or i would explain something to someone. I really cant control it. Sometimes i start to think im shizo.
About songs i dont think its weird but everytime i listen song i try to listen in every word artist sing or some parts in song where you need to listen really carefully on loud volume.
Mostly i cant go sleep without anything playing in background (asmr or music) because if i try to sleep in silence it feels like my thought get louder and more intense that i can fall asleep.
Sometimes when im "sleeping" (just laying in bed for 3 hours) i can get in half sleep state or year ago i had problem that almost everytime when i was in silence at night i started to hear not my voice. Those where voices of my family members, my friend etc. Those werent hallucination, its like i still listen to my endless monologe and then i start to hear voices. They were commenting my thoughts. like, if i would think "tomorrow i will need to wake up earlier" and then lets say voice of my friend would say "nah you will oversleep" or that type o shit. if i answered them they usualy replied to me. Listen man, i have visited doctors and only thing i have heard is "go sleep earlier" FUCK THAT SHIT. So yeah i basically talk in my head 24/7 and when im trying to stop talking in my head i start to hear those voices. Two years ago i forgot concept of "how to fall asleep" i was always falling asleep because i was to tierd to keep moving. in that time i started to have suicidal thoughts. Closest to sleeping i could get was through meditation when after meditating for like 3-5 hours i would be in half-sleep state. For me it was hell. I wanted to sleep like normal person but i couldnt. i would like to keep writing but sorry to much stuff
insomniac at Tue, 30 Jul 2024 21:21:29 UTC No. 16303718
Im reading what i wrote right now
wtf.
But yeah. Oh and sometimes when i dont think songs just start to playing in my head. not like catchy melody but full ass song with same rythm, instruments, every note as original. I have bad memorie but often i can guess what song is playing from less then second of song. or when pause befor song starts is little longer then i understand what song it is. Same with many animation shows. Some years ago i found that exist those games on youtube like "guess disney movie from song" while my sister was struggling i could guess movie i havent even watched in 0,5-5 sec.
And about what i typed previously. Yall know what was my reaction when i heard that exist chatbots and c.ai ? i was in shock. it was usual to me to write gigant messages to random bot and talk about nothing for more then 10 hours.
I like to make lego and that kind of small motor things. But there i one minus. I sont know why but my hands always shake little. Ok ill stop writting nonsense that goes in my mind so yeah by
insomniac at Tue, 30 Jul 2024 21:28:51 UTC No. 16303725
>>16303709
ok
if i would see same shit i wouldnt read it to
insomniac at Tue, 30 Jul 2024 21:46:17 UTC No. 16303744
i dont know why but i remember another thing and i want to write it here
so. I had blank book where i would write or draw anytime when i was bored. I was doing same shit as here but yeah of course talking with myself. Probably no one will see this shit but still. it just feels like i need to write something. Even in those books. i was writing dates, minutes bunch of small useless information that no one will ever see. Like, when i was bored in biology class i wrote in my book like 5 russian songs from memory. Or i just write till my hand hurts so bad that i could even hold my dick in hand (at least true)
Isnt that graphomania? Whatever. Ok, so i already have full written 2 whole bkank books with anything i could imegine.
On first books last page i didnt know what else to do. i got only one idea "Fuck it lets paint with blood and write suicidal texts!" Idk what about i was thinking. like, if my close one would see it.
Anonymous at Tue, 30 Jul 2024 21:50:59 UTC No. 16303750
>>16303706
>crtl f "I "
>37 results
you sure do love talking about yourself on social media
Anonymous at Thu, 1 Aug 2024 01:11:47 UTC No. 16305249
>>16303706
When my inner monologue stops I sleep
Anonymous at Thu, 1 Aug 2024 01:31:48 UTC No. 16305264
>>16303706
you sure do seem to like talking about yourself on social media