🗑️ 🧵 can i find refuge in STEM as analterative to suicide at my age
Anonymous at Sun, 10 Nov 2024 10:56:12 UTC No. 16469475
tl;dr im a 26yo total fuckup with no skills or experiences and no will
i'm 26 and i wasted the past 10 - 15 years fucking around on the computer and i got nothing except a GED and i never learned how to drive, i don't have a permit or license, and family cant help and i have no friends. i dont know anything about the world. what do I do? im living off of unemployment checks until 2025
i've worked retail and food service but i prefer being a NEET. interacting with the public and minimum effort workplaces don't really pay enough and they don't really teach you any concrete skills. besides finding an autist back of house job to afford a used lexus and maybe filling out FAFSA next January and trying to go to college idk what to do. i didnt learn how to ride a bike or tie my shoes until i was 20 because it was too frustrating and i always immediately lost at sports. don't even know what my SAT score is, never took it.
got terminated from my grocery store shelf stocking job after i got burnt out with the 40/hr week and commute, the stress of not knowing what to do with myself and the prospect of working retail forever compounded with not enough free time to process my situation led me to try and cope with heavy cannabis concentrate use and i stopped showing up to work and got terminated. i haven't had a job since may of 2024. i quit weed
can't join the US military because of OCD and Recurrent Major Depression diagnoses and Cymbalta (duloxitine) which i was rx'd after my psych ward stay (i couldn't think about anything except planning suicide so i just went to the ER)
i don't think i'm capable of having a hobby or interest because i never had one as a kid and i always detect that whatever "hobby" i think i'm into is simply a way to avoid my life and there is no joy. people tell me i need to get a hobby but i don't feel interested in anything. feel like i gave up on life when i was a kid and i've just been avoiding life and now i have to either die or do something
Anonymous at Sun, 10 Nov 2024 11:16:33 UTC No. 16469484
>>16469475
If you have the calling, join a Catholic monastary, whether that is Franciscans, Benedictans, Poor Clares etc.
Anonymous at Sun, 10 Nov 2024 11:50:54 UTC No. 16469502
Since you are here, you have doubts about just ending it, so there is a bit of you that wants to stay. I would suggest that you are correct in your thinking about picking up something and finding refugee in that. My line of action in your situation would be the following:
1) Recognize and always have in mind that you can always kill yourself tomorrow, in an hour, or in 10 minutes. That is the only thing you have complete control of. If things get too shitty, if the years keep passing by and nothing ever gets better, you can end it at any time you want. This is your safety net, so don't worry about it.
2) Pick up something, it doesn't matter if you don't believe you have the talent nor the starting age to do it and/or be competent at it. Pick something that is important to you. Just choose the most important and valuable thing you can think of doing. It may be math, physics, learning latin, biology, geology, planting trees, feeding birds, recycling aluminium, doing MMA, veganism, whatever the fuck you think is the most valuable shit to do in this hell of Earth. It is crucial that even if you do not know what you like, to pick something important, because it is through that which we find important that we can go through adversity, and adversity will always be a part of life, no matter what you choose to do. It is how we grow.
3) Do it everyday, do not skip and do not slip. At first do it for at least 10 minutes, then after a while you will begin to expand your capacity to do it and will be spending no less than half an hour to an hour per day doing this thing. It will grow and you will find a natural time and lapse of time to do this thing.
4) I strongly suggest to stay away from any chemicals. Stay clean as possible and eat as much natural foods (whatever you think natural is) as possible. Do not use chemicals. Do not use drugs. Do some physical activity that you enjoy, be it walking in nature, calisthenics in your home, a sport, whatever.
Anonymous at Sun, 10 Nov 2024 11:59:50 UTC No. 16469509
>>16469475
Tech bros tell me we are literally at the cusp of technological singularity and synthetic superintelligence will make most jobs obsolete.
Anonymous at Sun, 10 Nov 2024 12:00:15 UTC No. 16469510
>>16469475
You need pussy more than a STEM degree.
That will normalize your mind and make you content.
Anonymous at Sun, 10 Nov 2024 12:07:48 UTC No. 16469516
>>16469502
You will develop this character trait called discipline, and the thing about discipline is that after some months of doing this thing, you will realize that you can't stop, because it will feel like chopping a limb off. It will be extremelly hard to stop what you do. So choose according to your most important values. After this you will realize that you have power, to choose something and following through, and if you want and have time for it, you can pick up another activity and be confident in your capacity to make tiny progress every day and getting at it for years (although I would be careful of picking too many activities at once). This will develop in you a type of self esteem that you will not get from anywhere else. You will feel that, even if sometimes life is thorns and sometimes it is roses, you have something greater in you, a sense of self contaiment given only through this non flickering decisiveness. You will feel empowered and the thought of killing yourself will be less common with the advance of times. But in my personal experience it will never go off completely, life always can get worse, and it will so you can reach new heights, so I strongly suggest of making death a friend, keeping it close to you at all times, because it will show you what most matters to you at any time.
Anonymous at Sun, 10 Nov 2024 12:10:43 UTC No. 16469519
>>16469510
Not OP but pussy leaving me after 11 years together is what made me suicidal at one point in life. I am better now, but it was rock bottom for me at that time.
Do not, under any circumstances, rely on pussy for happiness. Pussy is something that you can pursue to feel hapier when you're already happy. It's also quite unfair to burden pussy with the responsibility of keeping you happy. In fact, you shouldn't rely on any external factors to be happy, it's not sustainble and can backfire at any moment. You simply need to choose to be happy, which is simple, but also hard.
Anonymous at Sun, 10 Nov 2024 12:12:36 UTC No. 16469522
>>16469510
why not both?