🧵 Untitled Thread
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 13:39:00 UTC No. 129190
Ok faggots, which martial art will teach me how to:
>take on multiple attackers
>break bones
>assassinations moves
Tired of people fucking with me, I want to teach any fuckwit that tries anything funny a lesson
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 13:59:15 UTC No. 129191
Karate do tsunami
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 14:38:06 UTC No. 129195
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 14:38:21 UTC No. 129196
>>129190
Just swing your arms in a circle and run towards people
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 14:47:40 UTC No. 129198
>>129190
>Tired of people fucking with me, I want to teach any fuckwit that tries anything funny a lesson
rofl
Just scream really loud and run at them at full speed
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 15:06:34 UTC No. 129201
>>129195
The truth is that nothing beats a well placed pipe bomb. It doesn’t matter how long you train, how hard you spar, or how many friends you bring with you. You want to meet on the street? You’ll just get blown up before you even see your opponent who lounging hundreds of yards away. NOTHING beats a well placed pipe bomb.
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 15:43:39 UTC No. 129203
>>129195
So ask serious questions.
You will never be a superman unless you will get a gun or at least a heavy stick. Also, violence is bad.
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 16:38:44 UTC No. 129209
>>129190
Alright bro easy peasy lemme walk you through how its done:
>Learn how to land heavy Dutch kicks on the quad to immobilize attackers so you can take them on one at a time on your terms.
>Train a 1,2, head kick combo religiously
>Get really good at shooting for single leg takedowns and leg dragging into side control
>Learn how to use heavy hip pressure to transition from side control to north/south.
Then study a sequence of landing arm bars from North/South to break bones.
>Learn how to hit a rear naked choke as its unironically the most realistic assassination move I can think of in martial arts.
The key to all this is to blast the Dutch kicks so hard you can get everybody to slow down allowing you to take people on one at a time and grapple without getting swarmed.
Bonus moves:
>Learn how to hit an Uchi mata in case you get pinned against a wall or cage
>Learn how to hit an arm triangle from mount
>Get really good at teeping to keep distance on the feet
>Learn how to sweep and get to your feet using x-guard in case you get put on your ass and are getting stomped out.
Write these instructions down on a post it note, walk into an MMA gym, and ask the head coach to teach you these things over the course of a 1 hour private.
Don't let the haters say it can't be done, you have very reasonable expectations.
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 19:59:30 UTC No. 129223
>>129190
people on this website are so fucking stupid these days lol it's indistinguishable from any other normie social media at this point
you're obviously underaged so join your high school's wrestling team while you still can. i don't care if you don't like the singlet, faggot. and sign up for a boxing class or muay thai if you're not as much of a pussy as you sound like. otherwise there is nothing to teach you
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 20:01:58 UTC No. 129225
>>129209
yeah bro just learn how to throw leg kicks, head kicks, takedowns, and submissions in a 1 hour session!! and surely the coach will be willing to teach some newb beginner all this shit who doesn't even know how to get into a stance let alone throw strikes and shoot takedowns.
this post was written by some 4 eyes neckbeard who wishes he had balls big enough to go to a real gym and instead sits on the internet all day
Anonymous at Thu, 15 Dec 2022 20:21:23 UTC No. 129230
>>129201
Jesus, havent seen this pasta in a while
Anonymous at Fri, 16 Dec 2022 01:22:06 UTC No. 129266
Grab a weapon.
Anonymous at Fri, 16 Dec 2022 04:54:06 UTC No. 129290
>>129190
judo.
Anonymous at Thu, 22 Dec 2022 23:33:09 UTC No. 130164
>>129201
Based Uncle ted poster
Anonymous at Fri, 23 Dec 2022 03:52:58 UTC No. 130173
>>129190
religious extremism
Anonymous at Fri, 23 Dec 2022 11:52:21 UTC No. 130210
>>129268
cid kagenou pls stop trolling
Anonymous at Fri, 23 Dec 2022 21:35:13 UTC No. 130247
>>129190
stop being autistic, life isnt an anime. there is NO martial art that can prepare you for multiple attackers, only a gun can do that. as far as breaking bones 1v1, any grappling art will teach you to do so via submissions. as for "assassination moves" again, life isnt anime or movies, there are no super cool insta kill ninja moves that dont involve just shooting someone in the head with a gun. If you want to learn how to fight 1v1, learn a striking art like boxing or muay thai and mix it with a grappling art like nogi BJJ or wrestling. In real terms, all you need is to stand up to the people shitting on you, and tell them to fuck off. that gets most people to leave you alone.
Anonymous at Fri, 23 Dec 2022 21:58:09 UTC No. 130250
>>129225
Who said anything about one hour?
Anonymous at Sat, 24 Dec 2022 02:55:58 UTC No. 130273
>>130250
The person he was responding to you retard.
Anonymous at Sat, 24 Dec 2022 13:24:26 UTC No. 130293
>>129190
There isn't one.
Get a gun.
Not even trolling. Against a group and legit martial artist would say run before anything else. You only fight in that situation if you absolutely have to. Pretty sure you're just a troll, but assuming its real and you're just an autist... Get a gun and sign up for some basic self defense courses. Oh and, stop being a fucking spaz.
Anonymous at Wed, 28 Dec 2022 20:04:09 UTC No. 130766
>>129190
Eat the biggest enchilada beans you can and they throw the meanest, smelliest farts while spinning.
No one will try to grab you.
Anonymous at Wed, 28 Dec 2022 20:07:45 UTC No. 130768
>>129190
>take on multiple attackers
None
>break bones
Bjj, judo, sambo
Bjj is the best for that
>assassinations moves
After thousands of years of combat we figured that the two best ways of killing someone bare handed are blunt trauma to the head or strangling them
There is no secret assassin move where you poke them in a specific spot and they drop dead
Anonymous at Wed, 28 Dec 2022 21:52:22 UTC No. 130775
>>130768
In general this.
There are certain styles that are taught to special ops that teach you specific points w nerve endings that you can hit not even that hard to really incapacitate someone for a brief moment. These are not taught to civilians.
I'd only add that you can kill someone with a well placed strong throat hit
Anonymous at Wed, 28 Dec 2022 23:02:28 UTC No. 130780
>>130775
>There are certain styles that are taught to special ops that teach you specific points w nerve endings that you can hit not even that hard to really incapacitate someone for a brief moment. These are not taught to civilians.
If you are attacking someone from behind sure, when it's a fight? Hell no
>I'd only add that you can kill someone with a well placed strong throat hit
People say that all of the time and it's true
But they make it sound like punching the throat is a good target in a fight, the chance of ending the fight aiming punches at the neck is waaaaay lower than knocking him out by aiming at the chin
And then by knocking him out you can then do whatever you want
Anonymous at Wed, 28 Dec 2022 23:18:35 UTC No. 130781
>>130775
>There are certain styles that are taught to special ops that teach you specific points w nerve endings that you can hit not even that hard to really incapacitate someone for a brief moment. These are not taught to civilians.
Lmao are you talking about the brachial stun? First of all that’s not le sekrit cia spy shit the average strip mall McDojo instructor can teach it to you and ultimately it just boils down to “chop em real hard in the neck”
https://youtu.be/eNMKDOJLAEc
Anonymous at Wed, 4 Jan 2023 02:24:23 UTC No. 131380
>>129190
Russian Systema
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ov
Anonymous at Wed, 4 Jan 2023 05:46:56 UTC No. 131394
>>129201
i love you
🗑️ Anonymous at Wed, 4 Jan 2023 06:36:02 UTC No. 131400
>>129190
>take on multiple attackers
lol
>assassinations moves
LMAO
Anonymous at Wed, 4 Jan 2023 20:31:55 UTC No. 131478
>>129190
>multiple attackers
None at all. Anybody who tells you they're teaching this is a huckster
>break bones
Pretty much any grappling style can do this.
>assassination moves
Weapons training is a martial art. If you're an American, get a gun. If you live in a non-free country, research what you can carry.
Anonymous at Thu, 5 Jan 2023 03:43:42 UTC No. 131525
>>129201
based
Anonymous at Wed, 11 Jan 2023 01:26:04 UTC No. 132082
>>129190
>take on multiple attackers
gun
>break bones
gun
>assassination moves
damn op guess which tool has been used for assassinations for the past couple hundred years and is still widely used today for assassinations?
a gun
martial arts are good but anything beyond a 1v1 you want a weapon to reliably beat the odds.
Anonymous at Wed, 11 Jan 2023 01:27:39 UTC No. 132083
Marksmanship and pistol handling.
You're welcome.
Anonymous at Sun, 19 Feb 2023 02:51:21 UTC No. 136401
>>129190
The Kame Style
Anonymous at Sun, 19 Feb 2023 16:09:20 UTC No. 136447
>>129190
Kali and firing range practice, pretty good assassin set up. John Wick Gun-Fu style.
Anonymous at Sun, 19 Feb 2023 16:10:20 UTC No. 136448
>>132082
> Implying martial arts aren't taught with weapons as well.
> Implying he's a retarded noob.
Anonymous at Sun, 19 Feb 2023 16:11:44 UTC No. 136450
>>132082
> America.
> Free country.
> Get arrested and thrown to fed prison for an "attempt" to rob a bank because you were constitutionally open carrying on the sidewalk of a bank.
MFW
Anonymous at Fri, 24 Mar 2023 15:36:32 UTC No. 140057
>>129190
Ameridote.
Anonymous at Fri, 24 Mar 2023 16:42:04 UTC No. 140060
>>129190
maybe next time someone "fucks with you" you can just pull your pants down, and bend over. At least then he'll fuck you instead of beating the shit out of you, dumbass.
Anonymous at Mon, 10 Apr 2023 16:50:45 UTC No. 142025
>>136401
>The Kame Style
?
Anonymous at Mon, 10 Apr 2023 16:53:33 UTC No. 142026
>>129190
Sumo is the ultimate standing art.
Anonymous at Mon, 10 Apr 2023 22:57:25 UTC No. 142072
>>136450
What is this thirdie even spewing?
Anonymous at Tue, 11 Apr 2023 07:25:33 UTC No. 142119
>>129190
I found the guy who actually takes those krav maga classes
Anonymous at Thu, 13 Apr 2023 17:52:30 UTC No. 142433
>>142025
The Way of the Turtle School of Martial Arts, currently headed by Master Roshi. They invented the “kamehameha”
Anonymous at Fri, 28 Apr 2023 02:13:28 UTC No. 144016
>>129190
track-and-field-no-jutsu