🧵 Break-up brought the empyness back and I do stupid shit to cope with it
Anonymous at Sat, 7 Jan 2023 05:49:00 UTC No. 131789
So a week ago my girlfriend and I broke up because of trust issues and her getting colder to me on behalf of advice from her so-called "best friend" which already caused us to break up once.
I admit to crying the first few days because our relationship was long and it hurt a lot going through stuff that she gave me throughout the years. Imagining her with another man made me sad and furious at the same time and that's when my old issues came.
Since I was younger I sometimes didn't feel literally anything for hours. Mostly emotions, but sometimes also pain, exhaustion, and hunger (although in both I had a complete understanding of being hurt, tired or hungry). I had a few relationships, even relatively long-lasting ones but then I met her. We talked for 3 months before getting into a relationship that lasted for 4 months and for almost half a year knowing her I felt. Constantly. Not a single time in half a year have I had this shit and I thought that it was cured. I never got much love coming from a poor family living on the outskirts of a big city but sure got lots of hate, anger, and spite. Some might say it's because of that. The few relatives I still talk to say I was like this since I was born. Nobody cared enough to do something about it but that doesn't really matter. It fucking came back and I used the same thing I used to feel something throughout my whole life. Fighting. Mostly via provocation of drunks that come from parties, crackheads, sketchy dudes stalking girls on the street, and so on. People easy to provoke into engaging me in a brawl.
Anonymous at Sat, 7 Jan 2023 05:51:17 UTC No. 131791
[Couldn't fit it into one comment so I'm posting this and then another one. Sorry for this mych text anons] Today is day 7, and I couldn't take it anymore. Got on my bike, put on all of the protection, and rode around city spots that people I used to aim at frequently till I found the right targets near a club at 3AM or something around that time. Two little groups were standing there. I engaged the group of 4 that was standing slightly in the shadows near the parking lot. 3 dudes, drunk but standing, and a girl that looked very uncomfortable.
Anonymous at Sat, 7 Jan 2023 05:53:56 UTC No. 131792
After approaching and agitating them with some basic "Hey, what are you doing to that girl?" and "Do you know her?" I heard the classic "Non of your business" and it was on. A few more words and I got kicked in the stomach area. I won't go into details but I come from a very violent area where getting beat up to a pulp was a frequency since I was 13 (because of my height, width, and constantly beat up face people thought I was older and never cared to ask before beating lol). Dealing with 3 drunk guys in their early 20s wasn't really that challenging but it sure was dirty. Never done any martial arts, everything I know about fighting comes from getting beat up by many different people, some of them having experience in boxing, muay thai I think if that's the leg one (or it's kickboxing I don't really know). The point is that sand, rocks to the face, spitting in the eyes, poking, and using everything around was the general way I didn't wake up in a hospital. Neither did any of them, since they got each other up and ran off the moment one of them started bleeding (bashed his face into a pole). One of them was limping and the other vomited a lot after I hit his stomach several times but otherwise no severe injuries. I got a nosebleed and my hands and one elbow are kind of messed up but it's ok (didn't secure the protection properly on that side). The girl cried a little bit, then thanked me, told me they were following her in the club, and then out. We agreed that calling a taxi is a better option than saving money via public transport and she went home. The point is - I felt. After all, if it was over I felt. Everything including the pain, sore body parts, and a slight ringing in my head but I started feeling. The best thing was happiness. The sheer joy overflowed me so much that I had to sit down for a while.
Anonymous at Sat, 7 Jan 2023 05:55:21 UTC No. 131793
After smoking a few cigarettes I started walking to my bike when I saw her. My ex-girlfriend with some guy and that same best friend. They were all drunk and I have a habit of walking as quietly as possible when it's even slightly dark outside due to childhood so they didn't notice me. Got home 40 minutes ago. Feelings already faded into sadness but now even that is going away. My hand slightly bleeds because of a cut but I only feel that something is wrong with it. Not the little itch or tingles you get from a cut that went deeper than skin level but just. I don't know. I cannot describe it. I know that I did something bad and I don't want it to happen again but not feeling a thing after feeling everything for half a year is hard to cope with. Harder than the breakup itself. The worst thing is that in a few hours, I won't even feel afraid of that. It's just null. Nothing. To the point of it being easy to fake emotions because I don't really feel any so nothing is holding me back. But that is even worse. It all comes back in my sleep which is one of the reasons I try to sleep as little as I can. It overflows with dreams of the happy and wonderful life I had for half a year. All the memories scrolling by like a PowerPoint slide show with me viewing it before it fades and I wake up.
I don't know what to do and am certain it will happen again. Read online that sports like MMA, boxing, and such can help but I'm not sure. And if I find myself in one of these sports and then slip I will be thrown out, at least that's what they say on the internet. I don't have any ideas aside from trying to get my ex back and doing some kind of fighting sport. Please suggest something if you can. I'll read it all tomorrow somewhere around this time. Off to work in a few hours.
Anonymous at Fri, 13 Jan 2023 12:02:26 UTC No. 132260
Stop giving a fuck about some skank lmao. Literally find a new chick or pay for one idc. You probably can't keep a bitch because you keep moping around, no one wants to read a wall of text especially from a guy. It's pathetic. I know life sucks, but you can either fuck life or life will fuck you.
Anonymous at Fri, 13 Jan 2023 12:32:30 UTC No. 132264
>>132260
>no one wants to read a wall of text especially from a guy
>implying /xs/ would read a wall of text this long from a girl
>lmao
Anonymous at Fri, 13 Jan 2023 17:09:14 UTC No. 132290
>>131793
>I don't have any ideas aside from trying to get my ex back
Absolutely disgusting, shame on you for even considering it. The faithless whore did you a favor the first time you broke up but you were too retarded to take the hint. Quit wasting time and energy on women who have proven themselves to not be wife material. Life is too short and you'd honestly be better off single, but if you're looking for wife material while taking care of yourself you won't stay single for long.
>and doing some kind of fighting sport
Do this, it's productive on several fronts. I might also suggest an intense cardio and strength regimen on top of that. Your physical health affects your mental health and pushing your physical limits can be a good meditative practice to clear your head.
Anonymous at Sat, 14 Jan 2023 04:59:47 UTC No. 132357
Don't worry about her anon. Take your fighting spirit and keep moving in that direction. You gave that girl two good chances and she sabatoged herself on behalf of a jealous fool who had no place in it. Remember the lesson, leave behind the feelings and refine yourself to find the way. Find a good girl or woman who's new in your life and don't let anyone get between you two. You've got this.
Anonymous at Sat, 14 Jan 2023 14:38:08 UTC No. 132388
>>131793
Yes, you should get into martial arts as an outlet for your aggression instead of being a professional whiteknight who runs the very real risk of getting stabbed or crippled. Go to a few different ones in your area and just try it out until you find something that you like. Simple as
Anonymous at Sat, 14 Jan 2023 15:36:29 UTC No. 132389
In martial art gyms you will run into a lot of men like yourself whose main outlet for their anger is to fight other men. If there is a good trainer he will teach you discipline and how to channel your anger into something healthy and good instead of something destructive and bad like you are doing right now
Anonymous at Fri, 3 Feb 2023 03:10:08 UTC No. 134603
I'm on day 347 of your shoes OP. Honestly, find religion. It's the only thing that's going to push back the tide of the black chakra you're building up with porn and stinking-thinking. This anger and need to vent you're feeling is energy that's been misdirected because your soul is angry with its vessel. It is dis-ease.
Even when you find the light there will be the temptation to fallback on your doubts and say "this is a mere reprieve, not a solution" and it'll feel like futile and you'll imagine you're becoming codependent on these new experiences. Confusion will creep in. It's at those moments you have to be strong and believe that although it isn't in ways perceptible to you, God is working for you, and as the poster above said, channel that into something new. It hurts to accept your loneliness. It'll feel like you've "lost" at life. But the dividends of your actions will become a grip to keep you going until you find your next heaven.
Anonymous at Fri, 3 Feb 2023 11:26:23 UTC No. 134630
gee, anon, can't imagine why anyone would leave a whiny faggot such as yourself